It’s crazy to think how you can be surrounded by people and
feel lonely at the same time.
Girlfriend relationships can be complicated, not necessarily
the relationships themselves but how we mentally categorize them and in turn
place intention and importance on them.
We have our besties, our BFF’s, the ones you’ve had since
childhood, their Mom is like your Mom, you know the ones, you have a deep
connection and you couldn’t fit a piece of paper between you, you’re that
There are the girls you love to see, you make plans, they
fill your girlfriend cup, you can be vulnerable, share your ‘stuff’ and you
wish you could spend more time with them, because if you do, these are the
girls you could create a deeper connection to. But somehow things get in the
way and you just don’t.
We have the type of friends we like to hang out with but
with don’t share our secrets, you like them (sometimes a lot) but you don’t
have ‘that’ type of relationship, there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, I
bet that most of your girlfriend relationships fall into this category. Do they?
We also have our acquaintances, we see them sometimes, often
in a third-party arrangement, perhaps as a byproduct of another social
gathering. We enjoy them but we don’t have the true friendship connection with
them; it doesn’t stop us having a great time when we do, but they aren’t high
on our texting list.
And there’s our long-distance friendships, the people we
left behind when we or they moved away, these relationships can be placed in
any of the above relationship types above, it’s just that distance has changed the
The list goes on and on, so many types of relationships, work
colleagues, the ones you made when you had your children, the ones that brought
you together due to a time in your life when things were or weren’t going
right. Did you know that friendships made when you are both experiencing a time
of need are some of the most dependable?
So many people to see, so little time.
It seems as life moves on it becomes more difficult to stay in touch.
If, like me you work most days, you know that the majority
of our time is spent with our spouses, work colleagues and in my case, my
clients so the margin for friendships is small.
Solid female relationships are difficult to come by or maintain
and the thought of finding new girlfriends can be exhausting. Why do we need
new ones when we don’t have time for the ones we already have?
Have you ever thought what you could be missing out on?
If you said ‘yes’ I’d like to talk to you about how you can change
the ‘relationship status’ of some of the aforementioned to your advantage.
There is no need to ever be lonely, absolutely none.
Grab a piece of paper, go on, do it. This can take a
little or as much time as you like.
Write down the names of girlfriends, acquaintances or anyone
- like to spend time with
- would like to see more of
- would like to get to know better
It can be your BFF’s, someone you know from 5-minute small
talk as you finish a work-out, perhaps a friend introduced you really liked
connected and haven’t seen them since, or they are someone you haven’t spoken
to for years. Anyone you would like to see more of.
Now, write next to each name how and when you would like to
connect with them.
Perhaps you would like to see as many as you can at once,
organize drinks, dinner out or a hike. Maybe you need a one to one, or perhaps
set up a Facetime chat with someone who is far away and you haven’t spoken to
for waaaayy too long.
Next write a date by which you will do it.
Now, let’s look at the people who didn’t make the list. They
each have a valuable spot at the friendship table.
I could write about this but Allie Volpe has done a
wonderful job, check out her article in the New York Times titled ‘Why You Need
a Network of Low-stakes Casual Relationships here.
Next, make a deal with yourself to text one or two of
the people outside the list above every day, voice text works a charm for this
🙂 try ….
‘Hey, no need to reply, I just want you to know I’m thinking
of you, hope you have a fab day’.
Or ‘I’m free next Thursday night, do you have an hour for a
glass of wine/dog walk/coffee (be specific) so they can answer you directly’
which saves the dreaded text to and fro.
Cultivate your casual friendships, take time and make time
for relationships to flourish, because one thing I know for absolute certain…relationships
are the key to a happy life
Don’t be on the sidelines of your own life. You control the
About Zoë Dodds
Life, Health, and Fitness Coach
Zoë has a passion for helping and empowering women to the best version of themselves.
With 20 years’ experience in the health and fitness industry, she delivers inspiration and wealth of knowledge to her clients, some of which she shares in her blog and weekly newsletters.
Originally from England, Zoë has lived in Seattle for 9 years with her husband, two grown-up children and a Labrador called Jordi.
Click here to read more.